Only Bangers: Which one-hit wonder matches your zodiac sign?

On September 25th, we’re celebrating National One-Hit Wonder Day, and to celebrate these special noises and irresistible earworms, we’re tailoring a song to each member of the zodiac.

For our intents and purposes, a one-hit wonder is defined as an artist who becomes so popular for a single record that the glow of the celebration overshadows all of their subsequent offerings to the song gods.

Special thanks to the brilliant astrologer Elise Wells of Planet Poetica for the help and encouragement to understand the relationship between zodiac archetypes and these beautiful – albeit brief – flashes of musical genius.

Read on to learn more and look here for the epic power ballad that matches your sign.

Quiet Riot: “Cum on Feel the Noize”

Aries people are about as delicate as a piñata full of tires, and this song has a stern word for sperm in the title. It’s an in-your-face, fist-pumping banger that demands more and more — and then delivers.

Mungo Jerry: “In the Summertime”

Ruled by Venus, Taurus live by the pleasure principle, and this song celebrates all kinds of earthly pleasures: sun, dinner, drink, easy love and easy living. I can dig. The opening dig even sounds like lazy sex, the favorite pursuit of bulls.

Snow: “Informer”

Ruled by Mercury and living by words, Gemini finds their soul reflected in a fast-spitting song that’s as insanely likable as it is utterly incomprehensible. A true earworm, “The Informer” also tells the tale of a police informant who helped land Snow in jail IRL, and with their penchant for word vomit, the Twins make a great deal of thieves.

DNCE: “Cake by the Ocean”

Written by cancer star Joe Jonas as a love letter to making it to the beach, “Cake by the Ocean” calls out the crab tenants of intimacy, skipping the point, of emotional eating and the familiar comforts of s.surroundings on the side. Runner up for the sign that rules and represents motherly magic? “Stacy’s Mom” ​​by Fountains of Wayne.

Rightly said Fred: “I’m very sexy”

No one has ever accused a Leo of modesty, and “I’m so sexy” is one hymn of superiority and self-adoration. In 2017, BuzzFeed ranked it number 90 on their list of the “101 Greatest Dance Songs of the ’90s”, proclaiming, “Yeah, this song is sweet as hell, but it doesn’t try never to be anything other than what it is: a fun, catchy, campy dance track.”

Similarly, the Lions don’t mind relying on cheese and raising camp as long as it means someone is filming and everyone is dancing. In second place is Len’s Steal My Sunshine.

Tones and Me: “Dance Monkey”

Virgo astrologer Elise Wells claims “Dance Monkey” for her simile because the song “celebrates the thoughtless fulfillment of obligations, but also the fulfillment of self at the same time through mindless fun. Virgo is prone to the behaviors of focused monkeys, doing strange, repetitive and completely stubborn things in a particular way.”

Alien Ant Farm: “Quiet Criminal”

Libra is a sign that has mastered the fine art of gentle deception. They’re so good at being charming charlatans that you almost want to thank them for ripping you off. A list of items Libra has stolen from me, in no particular order: my ideas, boyfriends, family heirlooms, Whole Foods gift cards, and the best years of my life. In honor of that, I give you a one-hit wonder that’s a steal in itself since the OG version belongs to none other than Michael Jackson.

Blue Cantrell: “Hit ‘Em Up Style”

Scorpio is the sign of sex, death and other people’s money. In nature and a sweet revenge, this romp from Blu Cantrell extols the bittersweet joys of literal payback, punishing a cheating partner with financial ruin. Rest assured, folks, if you break a scorpion’s heart, robbery isn’t even half their rage.

Chumbawamba: “Tubthuming”

Sagittarius is the sign of the eternal optimist and aiming to have a good time all the time. In nature, this wonder with a shot to face the st face, but always back in the saddle, speaks of the indomitable spirit of the archer. Bonus: The band once appeared on “Politically Incorrect With Bill Maher” and asked fans to steal their albums, a fitting edict for a song and a sign that lets freedom ring and care the wind.

Alannah Myles: “Black Velvet”

Sung by one Capricorn for a Capricorn, “Black Velvet” is an ode to Elvis Presley, the goat, king of hearts and hips. Ruled by master Saturn and represented by the devil tarot card, Capricorn is the sign of skin and heritage, and with high notes, a steady bass line and a pair of inexplicable but no less aspirational boys, Myles proves the origins of its stars.

Eiffel 65: “Blue (Da Ba Dee)”

Aquarius carries the flag of the misunderstood and listening to this song – with its nonsensical lyrics and the baby babbling around a lonely stranger immersed in a blue-collar existence – feels a little like free Fruity Pebbles and a lot like an Aquarian writing a memoir. Second place? OMC’s “How Strange”.

Afroman: “Because I got up”

Pisces is the sign of altered states and pastel oblivion, and Afroman’s anthem about “everything that could have been if he hadn’t said yes to excess” speaks to the escapist spirit of this mutable water sign. Runnerup is Crazy Town’s early Butterfly film, which manages to romanticize an ideal partner and the doomed relationship between Sid Vicious and Nancy Spungen. Escape.

Astrologer Reda Wigle researches and reports irreverently on planetary configurations and their effect on each zodiac sign. Her horoscopes integrate history, poetry, pop culture and personal experience. To book a reading, visit her website.